


Requiem

by susieboo



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anachronic Order, Anachronistic, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Angsty Hollstein, Atonement - Freeform, Blood, Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence - Co-Existence, Character Death, Character Death Fix, Death, F/F, Forgiveness, Grave Robbers, Guilt, Guilty Laura, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, I'm so sorry, One Shot, One-Sided Danny Lawrence / Laura Hollis, Resurrection, Rituals, Sacrifice, Self-Sacrifice, Spells & Enchantments, Told Out of Order, Unrequited Love, Witchcraft, unrequited hollence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-20 04:59:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4774415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/susieboo/pseuds/susieboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since Mattie's death, Carmilla's killed ten people. Although she still loves her, Laura knows that she may be next, and she may be the only person that can stop Carmilla from doing anything else she'll regret. And the only way she can do that is to make up for what she did, and bring Matska Belmonde back from the grave. But that won't be so easy. Resurrecting a vampire, as it turns out, is rather difficult...</p>
<p>[Canon up until after 2.30. Told over the course of a 24-hour period, out of order.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Requiem

**September 19, 2015 - 2:09 AM**

 

* * *

 

" _Mattie_!"

Carmilla had been alive for over 300 years. She'd seen many, many strange things, things she would've deemed impossible until she saw them with her own two eyes. This was one of them. Scratch that, this one blew all those other strange things out of the water. 

A week had passed since Danny had ripped Mattie's locket from around her neck and crushed it -- since what little that remained of Carmilla's world had fallen apart right in front of her. And it was all Laura's fault. The foolish little girl had even admitted it herself, protecting Xena, though Carmilla had plenty of plans in mind to get back at _her_. But punishing Laura was her first priority. Of course, the obvious answer was to rip her to shreds, to finish what Mattie had never gotten the chance to start. But that wouldn't suffice. Laura didn't care enough for her own life for killing her to be an effective enough punishment. (And, if she was being entirely honest with herself -- which, of course, she wasn't -- Carmilla would've had to admit that she couldn't have been able to bring herself to kill Laura, no matter what.) 

No, Laura cared for others. As long as they were human, of course. The best thing to do would be to destroy the campus that Laura so dearly loved, and let Laura know that it was _all her fault_. Let the guilt and pain sear through her. Let it torment her. Let it destroy her from the inside. That would be what killed Laura. Carmilla wouldn't even have to touch her. Laura would destroy herself. The fool.

The first to go had been most of the remaining Zetas, and that obnoxious Summer with the bow and arrow -- Mel. Unfortunately, the idiotic one hadn't been in the room when she'd turned them all into bloodstains on the wall. So he lived. For now. 

After those six, three students who had gotten a bit too close to Mattie's grave, carrying torches and matches. Disrespectful idiots. Then, Vordenberg himself. (No one had particularly complained about that last one, at least.)

Carmilla hadn't gone on a murder spree in a good century. She had to admit, it no longer felt as... natural, as it once had. But she kept going, with one thought fueling her bloodlust, her rage.

_This is for Mattie. This is for Mattie._

She arrived in the now-abandoned apartment that had once belonged to Mother, now belonging to Carmilla herself. The Dimwit Squad had had the good sense to get the hell out of Dodge right after Carmilla left. 

But for the first time in a week, Carmilla wasn't alone.

"...Hello, Kittycat..."

Mattie, covered in blood, still in the dress Carmilla had buried her in, sat on the couch, eyes glazed over like a porcelain doll's.

* * *

**September 18, 2015 - 7:00 AM**

* * *

 

"We have to stop her," Danny said, pacing back and forth.

She, Laura, LaFontaine, Kirsch, and J.P. had claimed the library. Sure, it was dark, scary, slightly alive, and brought back some not-so-nice memories for J.P., but it was the only place they could hide out. Perry was still nowhere to be found. LaFontaine didn't care what Carmilla or Mattie said -- they were absolutely convinced that Mattie killed Perry, and didn't even have the decency to admit it. Laura, however, wasn't so convinced. Mattie had sworn in her final moments that she was innocent. Laura doubted she'd lie to Carmilla. Although she still personally thought Mattie was reprehensible as a person, she was a good sister. She loved Carmilla.

"No," Laura said, "I have to stop her. This is my fault. All these deaths, they're on me."

"Laura, that's not true," Danny said, moving to stand in front of Laura where she sat on the library floor. "Carmilla is the one that killed those people, not you."

"Because of what I did!"

"Bullshit. Carmilla didn't choose for her sister to die, but she _did_ choose to become a murderer. That's on her."

"If I hadn't--"

"And if you're going to blame one of us," she continued, "blame me. I'm the one that killed Mattie."

"That's not fair," Laura insisted. "She would've killed you. And I'm the one that told you how to kill her. Carm trusted me with that knowledge and I--"

"And you shared that knowledge because you had good reason to believe Danny was in danger," LaFontaine cut in. "Can't we all just acknowledge that this is a shitty situation all around instead of finding one person to dump all the blame on?"

Laura sighed, but didn't say anything. Logically, she knew LaFontaine was right, but deep down, she couldn't help but feel that this was entirely her fault. And even if it wasn't, she knew she was the only person that could stop Carmilla's little reign of terror. 

If Carmilla had decided to play the bad guy, Laura had to play the hero yet again.

* * *

**September 18, 2015 - 6:34 PM**

* * *

 

"You still haven't told us what this is about..." J.P. pointed out. 

"Yeah, or why we can't tell LaF and D-Bear," Kirsch added.

He stopped digging for a moment, leaning against his shovel. He, Laura and J.P. had been digging at the cold, hard ground of the cemetery just off the Silas campus for the better part of an hour. Laura's muscles ached like she never knew possible, and she was cold, too, but she didn't stop digging. They didn't have time for that. She supposed it was lucky, in a way, that the campus was currently being plagued with so many horrors -- Kirsch, Laura, and J.P. digging up a grave in plain sight was sort of the least of their problems.

"LaF and Danny would try to stop me," Laura said. "Come on, just another two feet."

"I admit I didn't do much research on graverobbing," J.P. said, "but have you thought about how we're even going to get the coffin open?"

"That's why we brought you two," she said. "In terms of sheer strength, a vampire and a frat boy are my best bet besides Danny."

Kirsch, who looked downright flattered, unearthed another layer of soil, saying, "It's a bit rude to dig someone up after they've been buried for... for..." He glanced at the date of death on the grave -- New Year's Day, 1867, and began trying to count on his fingers. "For..."

"148 years," J.P. said patiently.

"148 years! Nearly a century and a half of eternal rest, man, and we're just coming along and interrupting..."

"I know, it is a bit icky," Laura admitted, "but I need a dry bone -- and this is the oldest body in the graveyard. Whoever this is has been decomposed for decades, probably longer than that--"

J.P. chimed in with a helpful, "A human body takes eight to twelve years to completely decompose, assuming it hasn't been placed in a coffin."

"--and this is our best bet for a bone that's totally dry."

"...You are one weird little hottie, Hollis," was all Kirsch said, but he kept digging.

Between the three of them, it took twenty more minutes to get the grave up, and another five to get it out of the hole and onto the grass. They all stood there, panting, for a moment, before Laura turned to J.P.

"Think you can bust it open? It doesn't have to be neat..."

"Gladly."

In one swift movement, J.P. put his foot through the lower half of the coffin with a horrible _crunch!_. Laura had never wondered what the sound of a vampire breaking through hard oak and crushing a corpse's bones was before, but now she knew. Grimacing, she knelt down next to the coffin, and put her hand in the hole J.P. had made, searching around until she found a bone that was completely intact. Finally, her hand emerged, holding a rib. Kirsch made a face, disgusted, and J.P. looked more than a little freaked out. 

"Ugh," she said, stashing the bone in her backpack, wrapping it in a scarf to protect it. Wiping her hands on her jeans, she rose to her feet. "Let's put the coffin back before we make our next stop."

"And where's that?" J.P. asked.

"Anyone know where Carm buried Mattie?"

* * *

 

**September 19, 2015 - 2:15 AM**

* * *

 

"I'm glad to see you, too, Carm, but please - you're embarrassing yourself," Mattie said, amused, stroking her sister's hair.

Finally, Carmilla pulled away, wiping her tears on the back of her hand.

"Mattie - you're alive, you're here, you're - you're - _how_?"

"I'm not sure," Mattie admitted. "I--I woke up in a dark room--and from there it's sort of blurry--I think I may have fed on someone... all I know is that now I'm here..."

"But you were dead, and now..."

"...Now I'm not."

"How?"

"If I knew, I'd tell you."

"Mattie," Carmilla said suddenly, noticing a chain around her neck, glinting in the candlelight. She grabbed it, pulling it over Mattie's clothes. "...Mattie, this isn't your locket, but..."

"...I've never seen it before," Mattie said, frowning. A silver, heart-shaped locket, with the letter "N" engraved in it. Mattie hesitated, before saying, "Open it. But be careful, because if it is what I think it is..."

Carmilla nodded, before gently opening the locket.

"...Oh my God..."

* * *

 

**September 18, 2015 - 7:20 AM**

* * *

 

Laura took J.P.'s arm.

"You know the library better than anyone, right?"

"Of course."

"So you know where all the books are?"

"Obviously."

"I need books with incantations and witchcraft, potions, alchemy - stuff like that."

"...What for?" J.P. asked, plainly suspicious.

"Please, Jeep, just trust me."

"...Okay. But you have to explain later."

"Of course," Laura said, though she had no intentions of doing so. 

The sorcery section of the Silas University library was surprisingly large, so much so that Laura wasn't sure where to start. So, she just pulled five random books off the shelf, old, dusty volumes with cobwebs covering them, and sat down on the floor to begin looking. 

It took an hour and a half, and twenty books, before Laura found what she was looking for, in a book with a Latin title, on a yellowed page stained with blood.

_Missa pro defunctis amati resurrectionis - Enchantment of Resurrection_

 

* * *

**September 18, 2015 - 8:08 PM**

* * *

J.P. wasn't entirely sure what the standard protocol was when you were in an abandoned church's basement, with a dead vampire in a duffel bag on the floor, a very weirded out frat boy pacing back and forth, and a very cryptic young girl sitting on the floor, scribbling in a notebook, glancing into an old book of spells for reference every now and then, so he settled for remaining politely silent, pretending to be interested in the cracks on the wall. He think he knew what Laura was going to do, but he decided not to say anything that would make her confirm it. Plausible deniability. Just in case.

Finally, Laura ripped the paper into three equal parts, handing one to Kirsch, and one to J.P. 

"Time for a scavenger hunt," she said. "You two go out and find these things, and then we'll all meet back here. Don't tell anyone what we're up to."

"That should be fairly easy, seeing as how we still have no idea," J.P. said, but he took his piece of paper anyway, reading it over. 

  * _a mirror (silver, unbroken)_
  * _three black candles_
  * _spearmint_
  * _salt_
  * _aloe_
  * _basil_



The plants and salt would be easy to find where the alchemy club used to hold their meetings, and the candles and mirror were both bound to be around the campus somewhere. But he was sure this only confirmed his worries. Still, he chose to trust Laura, and nodded, moving out.

Kirsch glanced at his list, and nodded to Laura, before leaving, too. He doubted he'd have any issue finding the items on his list.

  * _a small container (a locket would be good, but even a small chest would work if all else failed)_
  * _a large bowl_
  * _mortar and pestle (ask in the arts department - they'll know what you mean)_
  * _blackberries_
  * _marigold_
  * _holy water_



Laura looked at her own list. They already had two of the things needed for the spell -- the body of the deceased, and a dry bone. She'd have to go out and find chestnut, ginger, and garlic -- all of which were in the kitchen. But she had three more items on her list. Those three, Kirsch and J.P. couldn't know about. If they knew, they'd try to stop her.

* * *

**September 19, 2015 - 1:09 AM**

* * *

 

Laura was alone in the church basement, squinting to read and re-read the book's instructions carefully. She'd asked to be left alone, once Kirsch and J.P. brought the ingredients. They had agreed, though J.P. had left with a slightly regretful look, as if he knew what Laura was going to do.

In slightly faded ink, the book read:

_Crush the herbs and plants into a paste, before crushing the bone into dust and mixing it all together in the bowl._

Laura grimaced, and wished she'd gotten a smaller bone, but did what the book said.

_Drink at least four swallows of holy water, before eating the paste. Make sure not a single drop is lost._

Laura felt her stomach churning, but she raised the holy water to her lips, drinking four large swallows, wondering if this was the action that would finally send her straight to Hell. She took some of the paste onto her fingers, and tried her best not to think about what was in it as she ate it. She nearly gagged on it, but she forced it down, swallowing it before eating another bite. It burned in her stomach for a moment, before turning ice cold, so much she almost feared her heart would stop. Once she'd forced herself to eat every last bit, she turned to the book.

_The paste will keep you alive for thirty minutes, assuming you used the correct ingredients. Thirty minutes should be enough time to complete the ritual._

Laura hesitated, before forcing herself to get up and get started. She didn't have any time to waste, not a single minute to lose. If she was being entirely honest, in the deepest, darkest part of her heart, she wasn't scared of what came next. It felt like a fitting conclusion. This was her fault. All of it. She deserved what was about to happen. No one else.

* * *

 

**September 19, 2015 - 4:17 AM**

* * *

"Where's Laura? _Where's Laura_?!"

Mattie could only glower at Danny in response. At the moment, Danny was armed with holy water (something of which Silas had a worryingly bountiful supply), and Mattie wasn't sure how resilient her body was, now that she'd been resurrected. She wasn't going to take her chances and risk dying (again) by attacking Xena (again). Carmilla apparently had a similar thought, as the two sisters remained at least five feet from Danny, even as they stared her down.

"Haven't we already told you _we don't know_?" Carmilla snapped.

"And why should I believe that?" Danny countered. "Because _you_ say so?"

 "You should believe it because it's the truth. Why would I bother going after that little fool?"

"To punish her for what she did to your sister."

"You mean what _you_ did to my sister."

Danny faltered, before asking, "Look, you got what you wanted. For some reason, she's up and walking around again, so why don't you stop your little murderous temper tantrum and tell me where Laura is?"

"I don't _know_ where Laura is."

Danny eyed her, clearly still not trusting her. She did seem rather sincere though. She moved on to her next question.

"How did you bring her back to life?" she asked, still not lowering the holy water.

" _I_ didn't," Carmilla said. 

"We're not sure who or what did," Mattie admitted. "Or why. Most people on the campus probably took my death as a reason to celebrate. There aren't that many people who would want me back. We were going to ask the bookworm if he knew anything before _you_ came along and started your own little Silas Inquisition."

"I didn't even know it was possible to bring someone back to life," Danny said.

"It's not easy," Mattie said. "And it always comes at a high cost. People don't do it very much anymore. But we think whoever did this used the 'lover's requiem.'"

"The what?"

"It's a resurrection spell, it has to be done out of love, rather than selfishness or anger. Maman had a book with the spell in it, right, Carm?"

Carmilla, however, didn't answer right away, eyebrows furrowed as they always were when she was deep in thought.

"How long has Laura been missing?" she asked slowly.

"We're not sure," Danny said. "I thought she was with Jeep and Kirsch, but they haven't seen her for a couple hours... We've been looking all over campus, but we can't find her anywhere, and she's not answering her cell phone..."

"...Oh, no..." Carmilla whispered, horrified realization overtaking her. 

It was only a couple seconds Mattie caught on. "...You don't think...?"

"God, of all the stupid, suicidal, things..." Carmilla muttered, tears already filling her eyes. "Mattie, where did you wake up?"

"I... I can't remember..."

"What are you two _talking_ about?" Danny asked, a note of panic in her voice.

"...We think Laura brought me back," Mattie said. 

" _What_?! Why would she do that?"

"So I'd stop killing people," Carmilla said quietly. "But I really, really hope I'm wrong."

* * *

**September 19, 2015 - 6:43 AM**

* * *

 

Carmilla and Mattie had spent the past couple hours trying to retrace Mattie's steps, hoping it'd jog her memory enough for them to find the exact spot where she was resurrected. Danny, meanwhile, had been looking for LaFontaine, Kirsch, and J.P., hoping they might know something about Laura's whereabouts. LaFontaine hadn't known anything, but Kirsch and J.P. had looked almost immediately guilty.

"Where is she?" Danny asked for the hundredth time, gripping J.P.'s arm. J.P. had gone even paler than normal, and couldn't speak except for stuttered "I'm sorrys" and "I couldn't have stopped hers."

"She made us promise not to tell," Kirsch said.

"Kirsch, this is important! We think Laura might be in trouble!"

"Jeep?" LaFontaine asked softly, taking J.P.'s hand into their own.

"...She... we couldn't have stopped her," J.P. whispered. "She was determined..."

Tears streamed Danny's cheeks, as the last of her denial drained away.

"...She performed the lover's requiem, didn't she?" she whispered.

J.P. nodded.

"...Where is she?"

"...In the church basement. At least, that's where we last saw her."

Danny stared at him, a thousand words bubbling up beneath the surface. How could he let her do this? Why didn't he stop her? Why didn't he tell anyone? 

But she didn't say any of that, and just dropped his arm, running away to find Carmilla and Mattie, praying that somehow, somehow, J.P. had been wrong.

"What's the lover's requiem?" LaFontaine asked.

"...It's a resurrection spell... and it comes at a terrible price."

LaFontaine said nothing, their heart sinking into the pit of their stomach.

That explained where Laura went.

* * *

 

**September** **19, 2015 - 1:20 AM**

* * *

The ingredients Laura didn't tell Kirsch and J.P. about were as follows:

  * _a silver dagger_
  * _3 cups of blood, willingly given_
  * _one life, willingly sacrificed out of love_



The book was right -- eating that paste, no matter how disgusting, was keeping her alive as she used the dagger to slash her wrist, draining her blood. Once she had drained enough to be 3 cups' worth, she followed the book's instructions.

_Use the salt to make a circle around yourself, and light the candles in front of you. Then, look in the mirror and say the following incantation._

The candlelight flickering on her pale face, shining in her eyes, Laura's shaking hands picked up the silver mirror, looking at her sallow, skull-like reflection. 

"Amica mea amica mea ratio vivendi. Hanc vitam, quam ego dabo vobis. Ego sum omnium fuit, fuit et potui, dabo vobis," she whispered, hoping she was getting the pronunciation right.  "Amorem habebit sacrificiis suis. Nullum sacrificium sine sanguine dedicatum est."

As soon as she finished saying the final word, the dagger, stained with her blood, began to glow. Not a bright, shining glow; a dull, reddish brown one, only noticeable in the darkness of the room. Still trembling, she reached for it, ready to perform the next part of the ritual. Ready to perform the ultimate sacrifice.

_The one who plans to sacrifice their life must use the dagger to take their heart out. Only if this is an action done out of love for another will the deceased be brought back to life. Place a piece of the lover's heart into the container that the deceased must keep near them at all times in order to stay alive. To complete the ritual, use the lovers' blood to write the following message at the feet of the deceased..._

Laura opened her shirt, bringing the cold dagger to her breast, closing her eyes. She didn't have much time to spare, but she thought briefly of everyone she'd ever loved and cared for. Danny. Perry. LaFontaine. Dad. Even Mom. 

And Carmilla.

Carmilla, Carmilla, Carmilla...

This was all for her. Once she did this, she could be happy again. Everything would be okay again. And if Laura couldn't be there to enjoy it, so be it. She didn't matter. She was the reason all of this had happened, the reason everyone was in danger in the first place.

It was okay now. Because Laura was taking herself out of the equation. For everyone. For Carmilla.

And on that thought, she plunged the dagger through her flesh, feeling barely any pain at all.

* * *

**September 19, 2015 - 7:00 AM**

* * *

 

"No - _no_!"

Mattie had never heard her sister make such a sound, so pained, so agonized, but she couldn't blame her. Mattie had never liked Laura much, but even she had to stop to stare, horrified at the sight that greeted them in the church basement. Danny had frozen once she reached the bottom of the stares, eyes wide, soft, hiccuping sobs barely audible as she sunk to sit on the cold, stone floor, unblinking. Carmilla kept running, running to take Laura into her arms.

"Laura? Laura, oh, God, no... no, no... please wake up, please!"

Laura didn't respond. She couldn't. Her eyes were wide open and glassy, like that of a doll, slumped against the back wall, not breathing, a hole in her chest, dark blood staining her shirt.  The candles had gone out, burned down to stumps, but enough light shined in from the stairway for them to see.

It was a ghastly sight. 

What remained of Laura's heart was in her left hand, her right hand covered in blood. A dagger lay a few feet away, drenched in her blood, next to a duffel bag. Mattie assumed that was what Laura had used to bring her body back.

On the floor, written in blood, was the message used to complete the lover's requiem. Mattie stared at it for a long time, as Carmilla's broken, horrified sobs overtook her, holding Laura tightly. Carmilla cradled her lost love as if she were a baby. Laura Hollis was dead, all to bring Matska Belmonde back to life. To save the campus. To protect everyone. To make Carmilla happy. No one was there to hear her last words, to know what her last thoughts were before she gave up a piece of her heart for Mattie. All they were left with was that final, damning message on the stone floor. The bloody words shined in the light of the morning, there for everyone to read.

_LOVE WILL HAVE ITS SACRIFICES._

_NO SACRIFICE WITHOUT BLOOD._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry.


End file.
